Having It All

A blogging friend wrote this post a while back that I totally related to. I went to leave a comment but it started turning into it's own post. After this long, I was thinking I wouldn't bother to publish it because I wondered if it got a little whiny, and it didn't really end up making any particular point, and I really didn't feel like going back and editing it to make it better...but, then I decided: Why overthink it? So here it is:

It would be great to feel put together, beautiful, confident and in control! I have insecurities a lot of the time. I know I will never be perfect in this life if at all, yet I still hold out hope that I'll arrive at that 'ideal me' and live my ideal life one day (at least for a little while).

I think as children of good parents we acquire some (mistaken) kind of idea that we can grow up and have it all. We have this feeling under the surface that (somehow) we will never grow old like our parents, and we'll do things better than our parents did! Well, we have grown up with some greater blessings and technological advances - but we also know we are up against some tougher challenges and even global competition! Still, against all reason, the feeling that we'll do it anyway persists.

Mini-rant: Come on! I mean, it's not like my idea of having it all includes mansions, the best cars, or ridiculous amounts of money. I just want enough to be at home raising my own kids, have time to spend with my family! I want for us to feel comfortable with the way we are dressed and our appearance, to enjoy our home environment, and also have the opportunity to get out of it and see other places some of the time...to be able to pay for what it costs to be healthy and maintain our home and property, and not fear for surprise expenses that happen with life. --I also want for me and my family to have creative outlets, time to ponder, time to cultivate friendships and family relationships, time to get closer to our Heavenly Father, time learn, discover, imagine! Time to cook healthy meals and get a decent amount of exercise, and time to relax and rest our bodies and our brains! These are not insane requests - but achieving it all seems so hard! Especially when you pile it all up the way I tend to. I don't mean to complain, I just want to acknowledge the feelings of frustration many of us experience.

I have come to realize (over and over every time I overwhelm myself with what I can't seem to be or achieve) that I have to take it one day at a time and just savor the blessings I have... Every little one. Sometimes it has to be enough to know that I could have done that - even if other priorities don't allow me to. I have the talent or ability or desire, but something else is more important - and that is fine! The less I critique or pick over details the happier I can be. There is a scripture that warns us of looking beyond the mark, it's an easy trap to fall into.

I'm so grateful to be the mother of an amazing little girl! Mom has always been my dream job. I'm grateful for a husband who is so hard working and supportive and accept me faults and all, and just keeps on loving me. I'm glad that even though he has some of the same frustrating feelings about life - he also has his priorities straight and puts our family first! He'd rather spend more time with Lily and I than anything else, but he also sacrifices to provide for our needs. It's a pretty challenging position to be a father, but he balances it pretty well! If I haven't achieved all my ideals at least I am blessed to have a great family!