Just the cutest

Love Lily's boldness & cute moves. These girls have my heart! So great when they play so well together!

Too Fast and Too slow

Some things in life right now are just speeding by so fast I often wish I could just freeze them in their tracks and take more time to enjoy them or do more for them. Like my kids. I feel like they are growing too fast for me to teach them all the things I want to and for me to spend enough time enjoying all the fun stages that are changing all too soon. Some of their stages can't pass quickly enough... like potty training for instance, but you take the good with the bad - they're your kids! Other things just can't happen fast enough and make this limbo stage we're in feel like it's dragging on FOREVER - like finally finding a home of our own and moving into it, growing our income so we have more options for said home, and getting over one illness after another 1 or more of us have been having lately. --I could really go for a long stretch just feeling normal!

I haven't been blogging much because I have been sick a lot, and tired (and apparently really low on vitamin D!), and along with it all feeling kinda down... and when I feel down I don't really know what to say on here. On my blog I like to be real, but I also like to look on the bright side and share my best rather than feeling like I'm throwing a pity party for myself or complaining about all the things in my life that are getting me down, and worrying my friends and family unnecessarily -- or on the flip side giving the impression that all is well, and my life is perfect - which isn't true either. Life is a mixed bag of wonderful and woeful moments. But when I'm feeling in a thoughtful writing mood the feelings that are most pressing in my mind are what I automatically try to put into words, and some things are just too personal to put out there or sound stupid when you do because you know there are so many people out there going though SO much worse so even though my trials are hard for me I feel like a whiner sharing them on a public forum. I'm just not a good enough writer to always know what to share and what not to - it takes a lot of effort. And honestly being a mom is work enough for me each day! Hence the no blogging lately. But I enjoy blogging and want to record things our family is doing to remember and share, and I know I'm not the only one out there who gets down and it sometimes helps to share it. So this is my throwing myself out there again. Hoping to blog more often and not just on holidays and birthdays, but we will see... I'm hard enough on myself as it is to add lack of blogging to my guilt list - it is there, but I'm trying not to let myself feel bad over it :)

I'm so grateful for Mike and my wonderful daughters for their love and good opinion of me. I know I'm not a terrible mother, but I feel I fall short in so many ways. I really feel it -- overwhelmingly hard sometimes. At times I feel like such a fun sucker, like my smile is too absent, and like I'm barely present by the end of our sometimes gruelingly long bedtime routine...but even though I'm probably too hard on her, every night Lily gives me the sweetest hug and whispers "You're the best mom ever!" in my ear. I know it's not true, but it sure is good to hear! I love my kids so much and I want to be the best mom ever. And in those moments when I feel like I don't know if I can ever be the mom I feel I need to be, it helps to remember that they want me anyway, perfect or not - at least I'm there loving them and trying! And however picky and whiny and over-dramatic they can get - they really do love me and count on me and do better because of my efforts.

I really liked the perspective someone shared on a friend of mine's facebook post the other day - she said: "Kids need imperfect mamas so that they can learn how to deal with and relate to all the imperfect people in the world. I do not believe in mommy guilt. I try my best everyday, sometimes my best can vary wildly, but I try and I love and I try. I hope that my kids will see my imperfections and know that it is okay for them to be imperfect too. That they don't have to be perfect to be loved. This is a lesson that a perfect mother could never teach, only one who loves her children."  I thought that was a lovely and healthy way to look at this really hard and really important job we're doing. Didn't realize where this train of thought would end up, but since it ended up being about moms I'll throw in a nice video I happened across today. The next time I blog I'll post some cute videos and pictures and funny things my kids have been saying in between tantrums lately, because they really are adorable, and a post like that is long overdue! :)


Thank you to my Mom, and Mike's and my Grandmommy and Grandma for being such great mothers and for inspiring me! I'm so grateful to be Lily & Sierra's mom!