Milestones of the Mouth...

It's been a while since I had a free minute to post on here. So many home improvement projects and work has really been taking it out of me lately! Summer is the time to gear up for the coming school year and get our office in good order & I've been trying to take some time off to spend with family as well. The last couple of weeks I worked really hard in order to feel comfortable taking a week off for a little family vacation & then honestly that was an exhausting vacation! Some fun times with the highlights being away from the worst of the wild fire smoke for a few days & taking the kids to the zoo and the Olympic National Rainforest. I feel really behind on all the things I want to post, but I had to share these pics of the girls since Lily got her braces off yesterday...and before it's been too long since Sierra lost this tooth! The new one is already starting to poke itself through her gums.

 I'm gaga over this girl's cute smile!

 

Sierra lost one of her front teeth last month, and is so cute with this little gap toothed smile! I love to watch her talk with it and her little extra lispiness - it is too cute - I probably get all moony-eyed every time she launches into a lengthy explanation or story because it really is just so adorable. Why do they have to grow up!?

At the same time - -it is really wonderful to see them grow! I can't believe how much older Lily looks from the time she got her braces on last year.

 Is she not gorgeous!?

Such a relief for her to not need help to floss her teeth every night! (Not that I can take credit for it - Mike was the one who had the patience and perseverance to help in that area! So grateful for him and all he does for us - he is the best!)

Will have to catch up with other photos from the summer soon - our fireplace re-do, going to the lake this summer, my parents visit, Lily's birthday, did I even post Sierra's? our little vacation on the WA coast...Summer is going by far too fast! Grateful we still have until after Labor Day - not that we can get out and enjoy it too much with all the wildfire smoke! Happy to have more wind this year than last so it is not constantly as bad like it was last year!! Anyway, enough rambling for now - I am determined to go work on a beach painting I started a long time ago to hang in my bathroom. Determined! ;)

Ups and Downs

This school year - this year all together has been full of ups and downs. I apologize for not posting more of the ups we've had going on this year, which is what I traditionally like to focus on.... Sometimes the downs kind of paralyze me. Sometimes I swear when it comes to something that is working right, especially with my kids - if I post about it online...it is just like asking for it to go wrong. ...I know that is ridiculous and superstitious, but it happens often enough to make me wonder ;)

I want to back track and record more of our family's memories, but I'm not making any promises at the moment. I'm giving myself a little mercy on this because life is so crazy and complicated, and I just need a little mercy right now. 

Anyway...wanted to share a some cute pictures from this morning as Lily got ready for her 1st Crazy Hair/Pajama day this year. An up moment for sure. We did cupcake hair because we didn't have time for her usual crazy sticky out braids.

And while I'm at it I'll share a little family-funny related to ups and downs.

When Lily sees this out the window:

 it's the ups truck (pronounced like the word not separate initials)

and this:

she pronounces "Little Casers"

It's such a family joke we all say it now. 

She comes by it honestly. When my mom saw a sign like this when she was little:

she'd pronounce it Anti-Q's.  ....or maybe that was me - it could've been both of us!

Well, that's it for today. There is real work to be done. Hope life is treating you well :)

Too Fast and Too slow

Some things in life right now are just speeding by so fast I often wish I could just freeze them in their tracks and take more time to enjoy them or do more for them. Like my kids. I feel like they are growing too fast for me to teach them all the things I want to and for me to spend enough time enjoying all the fun stages that are changing all too soon. Some of their stages can't pass quickly enough... like potty training for instance, but you take the good with the bad - they're your kids! Other things just can't happen fast enough and make this limbo stage we're in feel like it's dragging on FOREVER - like finally finding a home of our own and moving into it, growing our income so we have more options for said home, and getting over one illness after another 1 or more of us have been having lately. --I could really go for a long stretch just feeling normal!

I haven't been blogging much because I have been sick a lot, and tired (and apparently really low on vitamin D!), and along with it all feeling kinda down... and when I feel down I don't really know what to say on here. On my blog I like to be real, but I also like to look on the bright side and share my best rather than feeling like I'm throwing a pity party for myself or complaining about all the things in my life that are getting me down, and worrying my friends and family unnecessarily -- or on the flip side giving the impression that all is well, and my life is perfect - which isn't true either. Life is a mixed bag of wonderful and woeful moments. But when I'm feeling in a thoughtful writing mood the feelings that are most pressing in my mind are what I automatically try to put into words, and some things are just too personal to put out there or sound stupid when you do because you know there are so many people out there going though SO much worse so even though my trials are hard for me I feel like a whiner sharing them on a public forum. I'm just not a good enough writer to always know what to share and what not to - it takes a lot of effort. And honestly being a mom is work enough for me each day! Hence the no blogging lately. But I enjoy blogging and want to record things our family is doing to remember and share, and I know I'm not the only one out there who gets down and it sometimes helps to share it. So this is my throwing myself out there again. Hoping to blog more often and not just on holidays and birthdays, but we will see... I'm hard enough on myself as it is to add lack of blogging to my guilt list - it is there, but I'm trying not to let myself feel bad over it :)

I'm so grateful for Mike and my wonderful daughters for their love and good opinion of me. I know I'm not a terrible mother, but I feel I fall short in so many ways. I really feel it -- overwhelmingly hard sometimes. At times I feel like such a fun sucker, like my smile is too absent, and like I'm barely present by the end of our sometimes gruelingly long bedtime routine...but even though I'm probably too hard on her, every night Lily gives me the sweetest hug and whispers "You're the best mom ever!" in my ear. I know it's not true, but it sure is good to hear! I love my kids so much and I want to be the best mom ever. And in those moments when I feel like I don't know if I can ever be the mom I feel I need to be, it helps to remember that they want me anyway, perfect or not - at least I'm there loving them and trying! And however picky and whiny and over-dramatic they can get - they really do love me and count on me and do better because of my efforts.

I really liked the perspective someone shared on a friend of mine's facebook post the other day - she said: "Kids need imperfect mamas so that they can learn how to deal with and relate to all the imperfect people in the world. I do not believe in mommy guilt. I try my best everyday, sometimes my best can vary wildly, but I try and I love and I try. I hope that my kids will see my imperfections and know that it is okay for them to be imperfect too. That they don't have to be perfect to be loved. This is a lesson that a perfect mother could never teach, only one who loves her children."  I thought that was a lovely and healthy way to look at this really hard and really important job we're doing. Didn't realize where this train of thought would end up, but since it ended up being about moms I'll throw in a nice video I happened across today. The next time I blog I'll post some cute videos and pictures and funny things my kids have been saying in between tantrums lately, because they really are adorable, and a post like that is long overdue! :)


Thank you to my Mom, and Mike's and my Grandmommy and Grandma for being such great mothers and for inspiring me! I'm so grateful to be Lily & Sierra's mom!

Latest Family Portrait

  

Compliments of Miss Lily, age 5. I think it turned out pretty good! Apparently the reason Lily looks like she is a little bit higher than the rest of us is because she tripped on a rock... With that accounted for Sierra then had to jump into a mud puddle and --in case you were wondering...is jangling a ring of super-sized keys and sporting a pretty tremendous ponytail. Love these kind of school assignments! Kindergarten Math!

If you are curious what has been up with my extreme neglect of my blog it would be safe to say we are still adjusting to this having a kid in school thing. Sending your kids to school gives you something of a break, but it requires a lot too. Pick ups, drop offs, not to mention the getting ready (Heaven help us!), homework, fundraisers...the list goes on. Homework does not take the suggested 10-15 minutes - just so you know. It takes much longer! (They suggest 20-30 minutes daily reading just to begin with + worksheets + writing and math practice and various activities you have to choose off a calendar...) But most days it is not really too bad. I know with Lily it could be. I am so glad we worked with Lily on reading before she entered Kindergarten because I can only imagine how much harder it would be if we hadn't! I am so proud of her - she is reading amazingly well, and some days when it's super busy I just let her do her reading time without me over her shoulder. (The assignment is read or be read to anyway, and we still always read to her at bedtime too.) It's nice that she was used to working at lessons before school started because she doesn't need to resent school for suddenly giving her all this work she'd never had to do before! It's just part of life...or she can resent us, but we got those drawn out battles out of her system in advance, hopefully...for a while...please! But seriously...

Life feels so fast paced right now, I feel like I just can't keep up with all I need and want to do - like blogging. I want to record memories of all the things that are happening each day, but it all takes so much time and my little family comes first and the responsibilities I have to them - so unfortunately some things are just going to be forgotten :( I take pictures, but I rarely get time lately to even go through them. Maybe I'm just not good at juggling a lot of things, but with all I have to do keeping the house clean, and my family fed, and various needs met (Whoops, another day gone by without getting Lily's nails trimmed!) --I really don't get enough time to devote to my kids as it is! This last week or two I have been hardly getting on a computer at all, and I have to say it feels really good! I feel much more fulfilled and happy focusing on home tasks and projects for my kids than finding out what everybody is posting on facebook or what tragedies and triumphs are going on around the world. It's just distracting. Seriously, we have enough ::drama:: around here already...And the two most precious little girls to look out for! Nothing more important than that! I'm sure I will check in here now and again and post more regularly someday, but for now I'd rather neglect my blog than my kids! They need my face time more than anyone or anything else! :)

I love to see how much they love each other!
Sierra has started giving Lily hugs at bedtime. "Hug!" They are the sweetest sisters!

Had to post this sweet one to make up for posting the drama face! Sorry, Lily ;)

One of each sweet girl for good measure!

They are getting big so fast - and we love them so much! Got to just enjoy this time while they are little while we can!

Hello Again

So much for blogging more. Life has been crazy, as it just is for everyone I'm sure. I will say what I am sure I have said and will say again: Being a mom is harder than I ever imagined.

Life is hard, but I still have air in my lungs, head just above water. I won't publicly whine about the many things that have been making life feel harder lately - just want you to know when I post cute pictures of my girls that though they are adorable and I mostly try to capture our best memories - our life is not perfect, and if you don't hear from me for a while it is probably because I am just a tad bit overwhelmed with daily living to blog too much about it. But I'm not giving up - so here's a random post for today.

Today I was so grateful to have Mike around to help me wrangle Super Squirmy during her diaper change death rolls because my arm and back have been killing me for the past week or so and I really don't know how I'm going to rest it so it can get better and take care of my baby at the same time. Pinched nerve/carpal tunnel type pain I get periodically that makes it hurt to even pick up a plate. Hope my chiropractor can work his miracles when I go to see him next week. Or any type of miracle that could be worked even sooner would be most welcome!

Today we watched the last sessions of general conference and Lily (4 going on 5) made beautiful coloring pages for all of us almost totally within the lines, sang her own made up hymns, listened to and commented on some of the talks, and told me she loves conference! (Even after 4 two hour long sessions over 2 days. That seemed like forever when I was little.) Yay! Sharing my love of it with my kid! I think the homemade cinnamon roll tradition I've started has helped.

Today I was uplifted by the spirit as I listened to the prophet and apostles speak the words of God. President Monson was cracking me up with all his exaggerated facial expressions, and I especially loved Elder Holland's talk this afternoon about belief and faith. It felt liberating. Like a load off my self-inflicted feelings of inadequacy. He talked about being true to the faith we do have not letting doubts lead us. And there were a few gems - I quote: "Remember in this world everyone is to walk by faith so be kind regarding human frailty. Your own, as well as those who serve with you in a church led by volunteer mortal men and women. Except in the case of his only perfect begotten son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but he deals with it. So should we." What a wonderful conference. You can watch it all HERE.

Today we walked over to Lily's future elementary school to see how long it will take us to walk there when she begins - in August! Yikes! Kindergarten! Not too bad of a walk - 16 minutes just taking our time. Lily was disappointed that the playground was locked up so we couldn't play there, we played Princess ball in the backyard and she put a Roly Poly on the bridge of her nose.

Today Lily took her first mud bath in the backyard and I didn't get a picture of it! Mike was on the phone with his mom and I was nursing the baby inside - Mike had her hosed off and in a bath before I even thought of it.

Today Sierra watched part of conference too, stuck everything she could in her mouth, and played peekaboo with a bib, a blanket, and her dad's baseball cap. Pulling them up and down herself and giggling in the cutest way whenever you caught her eye.

Today Sierra stood up on her own without holding on to anything about a million times, promptly falling back down half of them. And crawled around super fast in the grass making gremlin noises.

Tonight Sierra showed us some crazy sitting down dance moves when Lily turned on her Choo Choo song tonight and got so excited she stood up even more and tried walking around while Lily ran circles around her. When it was bedtime and we switched to a lullaby - she wasn't too happy because she still wanted to be bopping to the beat, and there wasn't one.

Tonight it took a while to get the girls to sleep, but once they were I just stood there and marveled at their beauty and thought of a favorite phrase of my parents: "They're so sweet - when they're asleep." It is so true. I have the most beautiful daughters. It's super hard and all consuming and sometimes I think I'm just too tired to be a mom, but I love them so much! What could be better?

Re-done

Ever since we re-modeled our living/office/storage room - a change which included a new laptop for me - I haven't been getting on the computer as much. I love our new room, the clean look, the added space, and the easy to clean floor, but it's been hard adjusting to not having a desk. I don't get my computer out as much, and when I do - I don't feel like I can just leave it lying around and vulnerable to being sat on or pulled of the couch by my 3-year old, so I usually turn it off and put it up when I finish a task. Needless to say I haven't been blogging very much lately. We found something at IKEA we thought would be a nice solution, but since I'd never had a laptop before I wanted to wait and see how it went...you know, how I'd really ended up using it before I bought anything for it. Well, I finally decided I do need a desk. IKEA discontinued the one we'd picked out at the store (we found out after driving all the way downtown), so we ordered it online. The online shopping cart wasn't working so Mike phoned it in. It didn't show up on the Thursday they told us it would, or that weekend. Turns out they shipped it through another company. It didn't show up on the Monday it was supposed to...apparently (they failed to mention) we had to schedule a delivery time with that shipping company. The shipping company, when contacted, had no idea where it was, "...maybe it was somewhere in LA -- they would let us know when it turned up..." Several phone calls and days later my package finally arrived! The box was so thin everything was falling around in it and bulging out the package, but it was miraculously undamaged - just covered in greasy fingerprints that were pretty hard to wash off... but elbow grease and a little nail polish remover did the trick. Well, after that frustrating experience (which was making us just want to cancel the order) patience paid off!

I put my desk up yesterday and am typing at it right now. I love it. A little bit of extra storage space just for me, a place I can leave my laptop out without fear, and the best part of all is that it folds away when I want it to, hardly takes up any space, and goes with our other stuff perfectly -it's even smaller than I thought it would be (which is just fine with me). I feel like our room is finally complete! It was done, but missing something before. You may soon see me blogging more...but we'll see how it goes. It's been kinda good for me to have a break from the computer habit, and it seems like life is just getting busier, but I hope to record some of Lily's funny sayings and the never-ending photos I keep taking, and other things that are fun to share or that I don't want to forget! Hello, again :)

Happy Pioneer Day!

I can't believe July is almost over and I've only posted twice! I am often of two minds about my blog, and any other activity that means I am spending a lot of time [always so relative] on my computer. I want to preserve and share the things we are going through and doing, but not shift my whole life to the internet if you know what I mean. So since we redid our crowded little living room to free up space and I switched from a desktop to a laptop I've found myself not getting on here as frequently. That was actually a part of the remodel plan. Partly I've just been extra busy, but partly I've just been enjoying living in the real world more than trying to write about it. Sometimes I just have too many ideas going through my head to think where to begin and what to share. It can feel overwhelming. And I feel inadequate at truly expressing my thoughts, but I know I'll only get better by continuing to try. I still love to blog, and I love the little community I've connected with so don't think I'm done! :)

It is amazing how much a fresh clean organized space helps me feel freer and happier. I think it's also the artistic side of it. I was so sick of looking at our mismatched furniture and spotty carpet. With all the effort I put into cleaning - the room still didn't look good. I am so glad we changed it up. We should have done this years ago! We didn't plan to be here this long, but plans don't always work out - so as long as you're making improvements - living a little more for the now is a good idea! Especially where you spend the majority of your time. Totally worth it. Now Lily can play play-doh directly on the floor and peeing on it is not such a big disaster. So many of the little problem areas that always troubled me have been eliminated. I feel like a new person. New to do list. Spending more play time with Lily is up at the top!

Marching Backward

So I haven't had a lot of time to blog lately, mostly because I just haven't been able to stay up late to work on things lately. I guess I've needed the sleep more! But I have a bunch of cute pictures and things to share from March (even though it was kind of crazy) - so expect some back tracking.

Another way I am marching backward -- I've lost almost 7 lbs now! I am still keeping a food journal and I am exercising for at least a half hour usually 5 days a week. That is huge for me. Most of the time once I get going I just push myself a little more to try and burn more calories - so most days when I get on the stationery bike I've been averaging about 10 miles. Some days I try to do something else as well, like walk with Lily or dance in our living room with her. She needs to get up and move more too -- though hopefully she will add some pounds of muscle rather than lose weight. I kind of wish I was losing faster, but at least I am making good changes! I've lost a couple of inches too, so that is motivating. I've even made more changes in how I eat than I originally thought I would. I'm trying to incorporate more vegetables into our daily diet. I was inspired by a friend on facebook who is eating nutritarian. I LOVE this Sweet Potato Black Bean Enchilada Recipe she shared. It's so nice to try new things - we were getting pretty bored of our old standbys. I will share some good recipes as I collect them, though not all are low calorie at least they are made up of good for you food. It is hard work to lose weight! I've never wanted to go on diets so I am considering these changes my new lifestyle and not rushing them. I keep repeating to myself something my friend Heidi said: "Make exercise a priority." For some reason that simple call to action has stuck in my head. It's important to me to take good care of my body and help set a good example for my children to be healthy as well. Sometimes I just have to let other activities go (like blogging), as much as I love them. :)

Confessions of a Blog Stalker

So, I've been meaning to write this post for a long time. It's kind of embarrassing. It's kind of hard to know where to begin, but I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd give it a try.

Sometimes I wonder if blogging is a blessing or a curse. It's fun and I love to do it, but I don't want to spend so much time at it that it takes away from time spent with my family - nor do I typically want to be up blogging in the middle of the night! I guess it's just like a lot of new technologies: in some ways they make life better, in some ways they make life more complicated, but they sure are fun :)

Looking back I am kind of surprised that I even got into blogging. I've never been much of a journal keeper. My entries were few and far between and usually started out with: "I was cleaning my room and came across this journal and... boring boring boring." It wasn't that my life was completely boring - I just wasn't sure how to write about it. The idea that my kids might one day read it was kind of a hindrance to finding my voice. I was always at a loss of what to include or not include. And honestly a lot of the times I felt like writing over the years were because of stressful negative things that were happening that I needed to work through - so the whole tone of my (5 page) journal was not exactly uplifting = not exactly an accurate representation of who I am = not exactly what I wanted my kids to read/remember me by.

So when I actually had my own kid, when I finally became a mom - a moment I'd looked forward to since I was still a little kid - the one thing in my life I always had ambition to become - it hit me much harder than I'd ever anticipated. Maybe it was normal sleep deprivation from caring for a young infant, maybe it was because I was older? we were set in our ways? maybe it had to do with my thyroid condition? - definitely coming to terms with that new development didn't help.Whatever the reason... I was not feeling like my usual chipper self and not sure what to do or how to talk about it. I had help from family and friends from church at first, but everyone else is so busy with their lives and I am a pretty private person who does not ask for or accept help very readily so I was kind of just dealing with it. I felt ashamed to feel down because having a kid was supposed to be one of the happiest times in a person's life. A sweet old friend of mine from high school brought by some baby clothes and some time in there also e-mailed me the address to her blog. That was the beginning. 

I became a blog stalker :) From my friend's blog I found blogs of other people I used to know. I started bookmarking old friends blogs I discovered and checking them sometimes daily. I even started bookmarking blogs I found interesting that belonged to people I didn't even know. I just had this need to reach out. I felt sort of stupid - like I was spying on their lives. (It wasn't until later that I realized everybody does it, I mean, duh - people actually make blogs for other people to look at!) I didn't comment. I've always been super careful and hesitant about entering personal information on the internet and hadn't even joined facebook so I had no plans to start my own blog, and I thought people would be weirded out if I just started commenting on their blogs when I hadn't been in touch with them for years, or in a some cases ever!  But I kept reading. Some of the things people shared were really funny or inspirational. It really helped me get through those early days adjusting to being a mom. It was the perfect diversion for a mom with just a few minutes to spare - taking care of a baby with short and infrequent naps - not enough time to really start a project or get real rest myself. Some of the people whose blogs I loved most don't even post regularly any more, but I'm so grateful they shared what they did at that time. They don't even know they helped me, but they did! Thank you blogging ladies!

Sometimes I really wanted to comment. I debated over starting a blog of my own. Finally one day I decided to take the plunge. I knew that if I really wanted to become a part of this (online) community I was looking in on I needed to start my own blog. At least then if people thought I was weird for making a comment they could head over to my blog to see what I had to share and how weird I really am! It was a relief to come out of 'blog stalking' and become a blogger! It actually saved me time because I could create my own blog list and bypass checking bookmarked blogs people hadn't updated.

My favorite thing about blogging is that I am finally keeping a journal! Somehow knowing that people can look at what I write now makes it easier for me to express myself in a way I don't mind my children reading at some distant date in the future. I love how easy it is to post pictures along with my thoughts. I love to get comments, but I love to blog either way! I love that my Grandmother across the country can see her cute great granddaughter and get to know me a little bit better even though we live so far away. What I don't totally love is that sometimes I think in blog posts, and sometimes that makes it hard to get back to sleep when I wake up in the middle of the night. I could never keep up with all the ideas I have to blog about, but it's so fun to look back and see how much I've recorded that would most likely be lost if I'd never been introduced to blogging! 

So there - my secret is out: I was a new-mom-blog-stalker! Maybe someone out there can relate, or maybe you do just think I'm weird. :) My personal philosophy is: If your intentions are good - don't worry about it! or in other words - don't fear to do good.