I got the news that something I chose to do was successful, so why do I feel sad? My radioactive iodine treatment worked. Um...Yay? Is it odd that I feel more like crying than celebrating?
I guess I was just holding out hope that it would work just enough to restore normal balance to my thyroid - for a few years anyway. I guess it's just because, now I am face to face with the reality that there is definitely no turning back. I know this sounds unreasonable (but emotions are sometimes). It's not like my body wasn't already on a path to destroy my thyroid eventually. I know it's safer to be on a thyroid hormone than an anti-thyroid drug for lots of reasons and in my situation it was going to be an either/or for the rest of my life already...but this news still just feels so suddenly irreversible. I have always hated taking medicine. One little pill a day, routine blood tests here and there really shouldn't be a big deal - I just hate being reliant on doctors and medication continually for normal health. Welcome to the rest of my life. I know I am lucky to have access to modern medicine and that tons of people suffer way more serious conditions. I'm just still learning to deal with this. The good news is I don't have to go through the treatment again! Now we'll just have to see if the synthetic stuff works as good as the real thing...
Sorry, I am such a skeptic sometimes. ,';-P
August on the Way Out
5 weeks ago
2 comments:
I'm not sure what to say, exactly. I want to say congratulations, but it seems that's not quite what you need to hear. I'm here for you, though. I hope you are able to find a way to make things work the way you and your family need them to.
Thank you Brooke! I wasn't really expecting any comments. This is my only journal, and I wanted to record how I felt. Maybe someday my kids will go through similar things, maybe somebody else I know is right now. I figure it's nothing to hide :) I actually had the most restful night's sleep I've had in a long time since I started taking the medicine and aside from a slight cold I'm feeling pretty good, maybe it's the medicine, maybe not, but I'm good and more hopeful.
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