Heads Up - the words "poop" and "pee" and possibly "booty" will be mentioned in this post.
Lily showed an interest in potty training when she was pretty small, so we bought her a cheap little potty to let her try it out. She went poop in it practically right after we took it out of the box. We were so proud.
That did not mean she was anywhere ready to start potty training. Some months after that she dragged the potty seat with attached stairs out of the back room where I had been storing it and said she wanted to potty train. I had this vision of a little Potty Training Booty Camp where we'd get really serious about it and dedicate the whole weekend. Salty snacks and drinks a-plentiful.
She and I were not really ready then either. She couldn't even really pull her own pants down, and though that's not really a big deal to potty training (they are just not going to be independent as fast as you'd like) - she would go pee in her plastic panties and just sit there in it without saying a word. We decided to wait to try again until after the holidays. I just get too frustrated by big messes to remain calm when confronted with too many in a day - it wears me down.
Well, things have been going really good for a while now in the potty training department. Lily has transitioned to panties, and yesterday she had not a single accident the entire day! Woo hoo - time to celebrate! I'm happy to think we'll be in pretty good shape by the time our second baby comes around! I still expect to have to help her, and expect her to be in Pull-ups at night, but for the most part it will just be one kid in diapers! For any other moms out there going through this phase I thought I'd share a few things I've learned.
1. Potty Training is not going to happen in a single day. Even for the few angelic children I've heard of who've taken the interest to practically potty train themselves...you will be an active participant in potty success throughout each day possibly until they are 5 or 6 years old. Maybe even longer...I mean think about it -- kids eventually have to transition to holding it all night, learn to properly wipe, and remember to wash their hands. You will be a bathroom assistant for a lot longer than you probably anticipated, so get resigned to it. But know that it gets better and better, and once they are too big for those koala changing tables and not as cooperative as they used to be you will be really glad not to be dealing with (I should say struggling with) diaper changes anymore!
2. You have to explain the logistics and the goal. There are resources out there to help you. Sometimes it can be tough to know if you have the attention of your toddler when you are explaining something to them, and then how much of it do they really understand? My sister recommended a video called "Go Potty Go" which I checked out from the library. Paige and Parker Panda were much better at getting Lily's attention and interest about how to use the potty and transitioning away from diapers than I was, and the cartoons and songs made it actually seem like a fun idea! Watching it myself made it easier for me to get more enthusiastic when I talked to Lily about it after that, because now I was armed with little catch phrases she liked from the video. She loved watching that thing over and over again and even her older cousins who've been potty trained for a long time caught on to her excitement and sang and danced along with her. "Big kids don't wear diapers, they wear underwear..." It's catchy.
3. Find out what motivates your child. Change your tactics when you need to. It would be awesome to have your kids be motivated by being potty trained itself, and maybe you have a future activity or a kid they look up to and want to be like that that could be enough in itself for your child to be interested in potty training. That would be ideal! I think for most little kids an immediate reward of some kind can be the most motivating. We tried a sticker chart for Lily at first, but that didn't end up being enough to keep her going. We ended up resorting to candy. It's the one thing that Lily is always interested in! We started off giving her a little piece whenever she'd use the potty - just a little Reese's pieces, or a few nerds - small things so she wouldn't be overloaded by the end of the day. Obviously we couldn't keep up with that trend forever - it switched to only getting a treat when she remembered to go on her own and kept her panties dry. That phase didn't work out too well. She didn't really get it, and she has a hard time stopping in the middle of something to go on her own. We recently changed it to: (No treats all day) You get a treat at the end of the day if you keep your panties dry all day. 3 days of sticking to this - and we have success on day number 3! Lily enjoyed her first of these treats last night. Eventually it will be enough of a habit to phase the treats out altogether. The other day she woke me up in the early morning needing to go use the potty. She's definitely making progress!
4. Just take it step by step however is most comfortable for you. Potty training is developing a new habit. It's hard work and it can wear out both you and your child. Neither of you is used to it, so don't push to the point of making it totally distasteful to you both. Remember to celebrate small successes. Help your child as much as you can at first until it changes from something new to something you just do. Find a potty chair they like (and that doesn't tip over - the froggy is the one for us). Pull-ups are great because they can help avoid accident and embarrassment in public situations, but they are still a lot like diapers and you will see your child gain more realization and control the more they wear real underwear. Start out at home and be ready to clean up accidents in a matter of fact way (it happens). Thick pants help minimize the mess if your child is still learning bladder control. Then try going out on small errands in underwear - just remember to go potty before you leave the house! Try not to show too much disgust in public restrooms - just teach your child not to touch everything (if you can), lay down the paper and hold them on there so they feel secure. Don't worry if the paper slips, it will not kill them. Keep smiling. Remember you will be washing their hands when it's all over! Once you've had success in underwear try to move forward not back. Pull-ups are for bedtime only (but if you really don't want to deal with a mess at a special event - it's not going to ruin all your progress). One day I forgot to change her panties before getting her down and Lily made it all the way through her nap!
I felt so much pressure when I first started potty training not to screw it up by overreacting, not to stop once I started - I had really unrealistic expectations for how quickly it would all happen, and how fast Lily would be able to do it totally on her own. Because of that I was really hesitant to start. Maybe I could've pushed it along faster, but it is about getting your child to take over and do it on their own so you can't force it - you have to gear it to their pace as well. I am no expert on child rearing, and every kid will have different challenges, but I thought I would share my experience because the real change in our progress happened when I resigned myself to fact that it was going to be a long process and became more relaxed, and also more dedicated to just doing it! Good luck, fellow-mamas!
2 comments:
Ah, potty training!! I've gotten plenty of experience and still feel like a novice. At least I haven't blown it as badly with my younger kids as I did with my first :-)
Poor Marianne. The girl wasn't potty trained until she was four and she still (at age 10) has an irrational fear of the toilet flushing. I started way too early, pushed way too hard, and expected too much from both of us.
May I add the thought that nighttime bladder control NOT be included in considering your child potty trained? (Another thing I had to learn the hard way.) You may have a child (or more than one, like me) who simply cannot make it through the night no matter what (unless you wake them up twice a night, which is not always practical). I felt horribly guilty about it until I learned from our pediatrician that some kids just won't be able to stay dry through the night, and nighttime wetting is considered normal all the way until age 8. (After that they will consider some kind of additional treatment or training, depending on the child.)
Even though my friends and I imagined out a toilet monster one day for fun when I was probably about Marianne's age - I would flush and run for years (when I thought about it). We lived in a split level and there was a set of half stairs right outside the bathroom - I would hold on to the banisters and swing down the entire flight to get away fast. :) I don't really consider nighttime dryness part of potty training - but it will sure be nice to be fully out of diapers and not worried about wet sheets. Too bad that also comes with the kids not being little anymore... :)
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